race and understanding this bs

dear diary,

its fuck up... fuck up that when i'm honest with my feelings people get all offended when its the honest truth.  what's the point of being a fake ass... if your going to live your life and act like some fake ass just so you can have people like you and be nice to to you when your not being real is not real friendships.  i don't know, think about it... if you die tomorrow and because you didn't speak up about something... and your up there in heaven.... God tells you see, look at that... you should of said something, you could of got out of that ridicules situation, but because you want them to like you, now they're in deep shit!

lately there's a lot talk about racism.  racism is really misunderstanding, lack of understanding, lazy judgement or whatever the fuck shit you want to think and judge about a person.  it's not just racism, is more than that, is about class, wealth, you know the whole human fucking issues about being better than one another... feeling superior for having wealth and looking up and down on each other.  i always think, even if we have one pure race on planet earth, there would still be some kind of racism... like if the whole world was white, they probably separate each other by again, the tone of the skin color, or something stupid like the color of our hair, or by heights, or by fat and skinny people, etc.  HUMans for some reasons just don't want to have peace and just want to hate and cause some bullshit like racism...

like i have said many fucking times... racism is just such an old stone age thinking... is like backward thinkers that have no creativity thinks like this.  i'm so glad that we have so many different varieties of race on this planted earth. its so colorful. its so wonderful full of different experiences just by knowing some different culture.  when i was living in singapore, some of my best friends were Indians, i mean they are singaporeans, but they are of india decents.  one was a hindu and the was a muslim and they were my close friends  and teacher.  i really love and miss them.  they really really help me so much and we never think about the color of our skins, nor do we even give a fuck about. i mean, i'm this chinese kid in my mid-twenties and they were both in their mid to late fifties or older.  so they're my teachers, cause i learn so much about like and their religion and culture from them and that was it.  sigh... i really do miss these two old fucks! oh yeah, racism is really i don't know its like why? what the fuck?  i guess people fear, people fear because they don't care or  they fear because they don't know... not knowing what other people are like... just imagine if the would world was blind... will there still be racism? 

what's there to hate?  whats there to dislike about?  but the root of the problem with racism is the fact that people are narrow minded and sometimes its got to do with growing up with narrow minded parents with lack of knowledge on certain things in life, like race and culture.  that's why. maybe if there was a school program for kids at the age of 10 to travel into different part of the world and live and learn about people and race, definetely or hopfully no one will be growing up racist after that.  gee fucking wizz.. is like you don't find all those foodies that travel around the world being a fucking racist?  they fucking enjoy the culture and the food and probably there was more other countries.  humans are humans, we just eat, drink, shit, sleep, bath, brush our teeth, get married, have sex, yawn, get sick, get hungry, watch t.v. ride bike... etc. is the same.  the problem with our society is that there is just too much people that are SCARE of each other people's culture becos is out of our comfort zone.

anyways, for the past weeks, i have been teaching this art class to first grade and sixth grade.  it was all good until this crazy teacher shows up to assist me.  She was a really mean ass fucking bitch!  seriously, i don't even know why she is even qualify to teach, cos she really seems to dislike kids.  she was putting them down, degrading them, being very fucking impatient with them and i was fucking impatient with her even writing this pisses me off just thinking about her fucking ways.  oh yeah, shes very unattrative.. maybe that's her excuse.  but fuck man... i don't even care about looks, its the heart that count, i mean there's alot of bitchy girls out their that are pretty or beautiful that are fucking mean assholes... but this teacher was unattrative, carries a long ass face like shit is coming out of her and yelling and sighing and complaining how come this kid doesn't know how to use the siccors.... is like this kid was only a first grader... but it doesn't matter what the fuck grade he's in... he's a slow learner and we should just teach with love, kindness, and lots and lots of patients. But this teacher was such a fucking asshole that i almost just want to walk out of the class. she sat with this boy and just kept on verbally abusing him like he is dumb or something. i didn't had the mood to teach... i just kept on walking around pretending to help the other kids, but my heart was... if she was a he, i would of told her to step and just let her have it with my verbal abuse... in a kind way of course.. geezz... i am so down about living in Taiwan sometimes... just 2 and a half month.. i can barely this bullshit because people really don't want to admit the truth.  the government is screw up... just type "taiwan traffic accident" on youtube and you'll know what the hell is going on.  or type "taiwanese government fighting" you'll be dropping your jaws knowing how ganster and childish they behave.  i mean they have no fucking idea how to run this country and treat their citizen the right way...

okay i don't want to go to jail, but fuck... that teacher is really really a freaking ass to kids!  she even told this one girl that her art work only looks nice far away.  I mean.. what the fuck???!!!  And she even kept of telling some other kids that their parents would be piss and mad at them with their shitty art!  I don't know... if i didn't believe and follow Jesus's way, i would of just fucking karate the shit out of her if she was a guy... sigh...so spiting it out always helps my angry ass.   

Society... So richhhh, so poorrr, so unequal, so sadly to say.

dear diary,

i feel really fucking sad today... not that anything bad has happen to be, but i just feel sad at how this society works... its always been there and here, the upper, the middle, and the lower classes in this fucking world.  the way we fucking fuck each other with such grace.  is the reason why this planet earth, this world is in such a whatever the fuck way.

today, i had a job interview with one of the top private schools here in Taiwan.  i was well prepare for the interview, in fact i had a week to plan out the lesson to teach... reading and writing to second graders.  i wasn't nervous at all, in fact  i was very excited to have the opportunity to teach a demo class to these high society, privilege, well mannered rich kids from the upper upper upper mother fucking classes so proud and so brilliant that if we don't have them in this world, we are totally fucked as a whole in this God given society.

i have nothing against the rich folks nor any folks in this God given world.  but fuck man, just stepping into the front door, i felt the coldness from the people walking in and out from this huge building, even though it is such a sweaty humid hot sunny morning.

i arrived there at 7:30 am, just to be there early... since i didn't want to be late.  i noticed that the school is very clean... almost brand new as it was built yesterday.  unlike the some of the older public schools ... it was build maybe 40 years ago with crack walls , broken florescent lights, tiny old wooden desk that i remember from the 70's.... etc.

as i was being escorted inside by the dean of the school... i noticed that almost no one ever smile or even say good morning to each other as we pass by some of the teachers coming in for work, everyone just pull a long face like something awful happen to them.  i didn't want to judge, so i was waiting to see what would happen through out the 3 hour interview.  oh yeah, it was three hours, becos i was told to wait in this lobby where teachers clock for work... i waited like for like an hour and a half before the demo class.

like i said the school is very nice, almost brand new, and it was located in a secluded countryside area.  besides the weather, it seem like a very nice place to teach with a big backyard full of farmlands and you can hear lots of summer beetles cheep cheep cheeping nonstop.  still i didn't feel welcome at all, since every staff member that walks in to punch in their time-card look so stern with an unhappy face with no smile, not even a simple good morning, instead mostly just nod their head as i smile and greeted them with an enthusiastic good morning.  even the kids rushing to class didn't smile at all, i said good morning to them and they just ignored me like i was invisible.  i suddenly thought to myself, should i even bust out my blues band -  hohner harmonica in the key of C?

anyways, as i waited.. more staff walked in with cold stern looks, i let out a sigh, thinking to myself, do i even want to be part of this communist regime??? that how it felt like, of course i'm being sarcastic, but it does felt like kin jong un is part of this cover up.  making the school look wonderful, brand new and untouch, but everyone is expect to be like a stern robot.

this school has a high reputation for high pays to teachers and staffs and everyone going there comes from very rich families that's why they can afford being in this regime.  so i don't know what the fuck to think of it.  i don't know, maybe that's part of being rich... no smiles and raise your head high like north korea.

as   i was waiting in the lounge area, they had some food delivery... and fuck, they really want their children to start early with diabetes. the delivery man brought in almost 50 bottles of all the sodas you can think of... orange crush, coke, 7-up, rootbeer, you name it.  i was shock, they even had cans of nutella and more other delicious sugary stuff to feed the young. since it is an American school, i guess they think this is the way American way do it... get them use to the American life style with lots of junk.. but the fact is... America children don't do that kind of drug any more... i guess they haven't read the news lately or for the last 5 years!!!???

So this teacher assistant walks in to the lounge to assist me about whats going to happen after i waited for almost 1 and a half hours.   i said hello and put my hand out as a friendly gesture to "shake hand" like any normal person would do, but she just put out her hand with no grip, no feelings, no nothing and i shook it like it was dead... soft and weak, absolutely no grips at all!  and not only that, there was no smile at all. i should of sang a song to her right there and then to see her reaction, that was how hard it was to get a smile out of this person.

then 20 mins. later, another staff member show me around the school.... finally someone real... she smile and shook my hand and showed me around.  She was honest too, she told me that this school is really rich and full of privilege kids... parents from all over Taiwan would send their kids here just to get proper education... so even though this is an elementary school (more like a military school)... they have a dorm for these children from age 7 to 12.... they all live there for like half a year or so.

after the walk through...  i was overwhelm by their all their faculties... i met more staffs, i was told that the English department is mostly from Canada.. but still, they all look like they really enjoy nothing, no smile,  a simple hey and that it...no nothing... it was definitively unwelcoming!  even before the interview/demo class, i confirm to myself... fuck this shit... i want to enjoy teaching and enjoy goofing around with these kids and let them learn in most fun and relaxing way as possible.... so i wasn't gonna let them turn me into a robot and be part of kim jong un's regime.

well, after all that meet and greet fakeness, i was move on to the classroom to do a demo class for 5 special brilliant kids.  i told myself, i should just do my best and see how good or sucky i am... and i think i did pretty okay, i know rushed, since i have only 30 mins.  i thought i had to teach reading and writing all together, but i rushed with the story telling, i made them jump like a grasshopper, since that was what the book is about and the kids enjoy that.  oh yeah, when i met the kids, they didn't really smile at all.  two kids was running around, so that seems normal, but they were stop by one of the teachers, even though it was their break time. i try my best making goofy noises while reading the story to them, they seem to enjoy it, but was kind of bore, but that's my fault, since i was a bit nervous with 4 teachers grading me and a video camera was recording me.  after the story, i just told them to write and draw of the topic and i actually did break out the harmonica and play a few notes... and before i left, i just encourage them to get a mini note book to draw, write, and jot down ideas etc.  and then the dean escorted me out and had a chat with me.  She actually liked my style, but said their school is "different' from all other schools and public schools... becos they are special. She told me, can i come back and try it again next time with another demo teaching but just slow down the whole process... i didn't think twice... i never answer her, but ask her a few questions about their school and that was it.  i think i rather get lower pay and teach the so called "under privilege" kids from the public schools.. because they are too privilege, they don't need a gangster punk like me, i'll just ruined it for all of them by having too much fun.

just like some churches... all rules and with no heart.

all for love and love for all!

peacemotherbitches

The great take over to peace from my pop

Dear diary,

the truth is working at my dad's was a very valuable lesson that i will never forget is that i had to do this in order to have a good relationship with my parents, espcially with my dad.

dad and i never really got along.  it was all becos of the past, becos my dad has a bad temper.  Always treated my mom with disrespect and they fight alot and my dad yells alot with massive temper.  It was crazy at times .... so......taking over the restaurant was a choice i had to make.  i could of went back to singapore to work as a t.v. director or chose to work beside my dad in the kitchen and learn how to cook (which i know nothing about).  it was a hard choice, i mean i could of work in Singapore and enjoy the easy life... but in the end i chose the kitchen instead hoping to have a better relationship with my dad since i don't want to regret it one day not having peace with him.

working with him was kind of fuck up as like in hells kitchen but worse.  its not that im all good and perfect either, and i do have that bad temper too... kind of crazy at times.  so working together with knifes and butcher knifes is kind of fucked up,  even though we never got to the point of using... it was still fuck up becos we almost use our fists... he wanted to challegnge to a fight, but i always decline becos i told him, i will beat him easily and that would not be fair...

the reason being... everytime when i see something not right... i want to do something about it and stand up for it to make it right.... like my dad using tofu or any ingredient that was going bad with fucking stinks, i would say something... because he wanted to save money, which IS not the way to go in a restaurant.  And when i bring this up with my dad, he fucking goes nuts and gets all pisss off and he would just say shit like "yeah, you think you know everything"  meaning i went to college etc.  but fuck, i just don't want our customers to get sick and not to get sue and its just not right and people won't come back to our restaurant again... so everytime we fight is always about the food and how it was serve and how it was cook etc. thats why we always fight, becos that happens all the time!  Bad stinking food being serve to someone PAYING for our food and service.  SIGH!  i mean he did have a lot of customers in 10 years ago.

my dad's a very good cook, expect that he was so out of it.  I only came to realize that when i had to manage the restaurat all by myself. he was so out of it meaning he was tried... since working nonstop for almost 25 years or so in the same kitchen doing the same thing everyday and not going on any vacations, he was totally burned out! really fucking burned out!!! i would too, if i was in his position.  But still, he didn't have the right to serve stinking lousy food to our customers who's paying their hard earn money for rotten crappy food! it was unhealthy and not fresh... and he did drove his customers away.

So being me, trying my best to do the best... i got so depress working with him becos he just wouldn't listen to reason and make changes.  it was hard, i almost wanted to quit! but i just keep going, kept praying  to God and always getting the prayers answered.  so to prepare myself to take over the joint... i had to learn how to cook from the internet.  how to wok, how much salt to add, how to not slack with the ingredients... i think it took me about two years to really truely understand what i was doing right and wrong. since my dad didn't really want to give all his "secret' recipes, and not really teaching the exact way to cook... i  had to sweet talk by asking about his past...i.e. making conversations... and  dig the recipe out of him when he's in a good mood.   but as we work closely together and got to understand each other more and more, his heart soften and my dad became nicer and NICER... it was a fucking big relief.

so after a year and a half working and trainging with dad, he finally trust me and let me handle the whole kitchen on my own.  i was nervous at first, becos i really don't want to fuck it up. and plus i have to deal with the prep cook, cooks, and dish washer that listen to my dad more than me... but then again the business was mediocre when i took over...  so all i had to do was fellow the recipe and make some adjustments and to keep thing nice and fresh, and  that should be able to bring back some old customers.  and it did!

during this time, my dad finally went on his first vacation back to Taiwan, he stay there for 3 months... he was so skinny  from over worked and not relaxing before  his trip....and after his trip to Taiwan, he came back quite fat with a beer belly of some sort. And he smile with a real smile, and that was a fucking joy to see.  because he always had a grouchy face and for the first time, he ask me how i was and shit like a father should do.  it was fucking unusual for me, since he doesn't care for my birthday, christmas, etc. nothing.  so it was a big change!!~!

again... after working in the kitchen for 4 years i only realize that my dad was a really hard working person, expect that he was so burned out with life from work and he lost himself.  he work so we can go to college, he work so he can provide food on the table etc. you know the whole deal with being a  dad, a parent...And taking over the restaurtant only made me understand why he was such a grouchy man from being lock in the kitchen over grease and heat everyday and to deal with the kitchen helpers is not a easy job... so i forgive and i'm glad that i went through this whole learning experience... if i just left and work in Singapore, we would never have that peace.. now i will never regret it!

All around the world!

dear diary,

its again another crazy day on earth.  People just loves to control people.  we humans just LOVES to control each other, so those who can't control the situation, they go all violent on it!

Its been like that for so long, becos we are all little Children misbehaving on our own.  those who are much more mature make laws to prevent such violent when those crazy thinkers who wants total control goes violent by shooting every Gay/Homosexuals to death.. total 50 of them.  This is HATE, with terror and violence.  this mother fucker is a coward!

Being a christian and all i always hated at church, when someone makes an unloving remark about homosexuals, i get fucking piss and offended, because i know quite a few gays from working in the television industry.  people are more open in the television industry, i don't know why.... but pretty much everyone gay is very open with their feminine side. Which is great, is like an expression of who they are.  we're all humans for fuck sakes... why should we judge gays?  they're humans too, what the fuck?  Is like racist and shit!


i still think... why we are here in this world... is to learn how to love one another!  If we all know how to love each other and be creative and just focus on love and helping and improving and shit like that... we be enjoying life with peace man!

If "religious folks from different REligious organizations can have an open mind and LOVE for God's sake... and influence and have inner loving peace and stop being so fucking high up with reigiousocity... and stop fucking judge everything that is "bad or NOT right...." and have an opened minded and don't be like :     

"i'm from blah blah blah religous group... i know what is wrong and right!... all you people that DON:T believe  in my religion are SOOOOO  going to hell mother fuckers!...

but see, none of us have seen the actual GOD...................  hahaha... so all religion is all base of GOOD faith.  If we practice on loving and not being religious with rules and regulations... IF we just love. and stop forcing people to feel they are wrong and guilty for beliving in the "wrong" religion...  and just share if you have the chance to..  life is about learning from each other.  like i really love to get to know all the culture in this world.  if we just learn to love and accept each other's way of eating and adapt to some of the ways... fuck man... you don't know what the heck food we can come up with.... its like now, people are beginning to understand about internationalizm.... becos of the internet like YOUTUBE.

culture is awesome.  don't be relgious, believe in your "GOD" and lets all just wait till the day we die and see the one true God and laugh about all this nonsense on earth... so silly of us human beings being so evil to one another.




with this shooting of 50 males targeted because it is a Gay nightclub.  It is a racist hate crime.

LIfe in the kitchen... training days!

dear diary,

its been 4 years working at my dad's restaurant.  it was one big ride and adventure.  i must say, it was pretty fuck up at times becos of lack of communication and lack of team work.  it was a frustrating time for me to take over a restaurant which i didn't really have a big interest for.  I mean i'm glad that i went through it, but fuck people really can be so old fashion and afraid of change for the better that i became an asshole in front of them.

Why i did come an asshole was because the people i worked with really was bullshit.  but i'm glad we sold it after i was there for 4 years to our partner.

i mean i don't mind the job even though i sometimes did dreaded going to work, since i have to wake up at 7 am and get to work to prepare everything without a real break (maybe 30 mins.)  and go home around 8:30pm.  6 days a week and on mondays(which is my day off), i still have to go to the supermarket to stock up whatever is gone.

It was dreadful at times not becos of the job, but becos of the people i have to work with in the kitchen.  Its like fuck... these old man, they really bully me when i'm the manager of the kitchen.  if i ask them polietly to finish up all the prepping for the day, they would puposely prep it all slowly until we get busy and have no time to prep it.  it always happens, and if i be firm with them... not yelling yet, they become assholish and starts putting metal wires on the food.. Good thing i caught them... it was hell!

So dealing with people even if you have the most respect and love for them, they just becomes jerks!  And these guys are all 10 to 20 years older than me.  I always felt like crying because i want to fucking yell at them.  But its like so hard to hire good kitchen workers, so they take advantage of me becos of that.  they know that if i fire them then i have to cook and i'll have to cook everything on my own.

overall the work was easy after you get use to it, since is about the same everyday and everyweek.  What was pulling me down was their attitude and their own fashion thinking and their cooking could of been wayyyyy better if they fellow exactly the way i want to do it.  But no everyone is like a bully to me!

So everyday to keep my self sane, i put on music from my ipod.  since the main cook is from HOng Kong, i put 50 songs from Canton pop 1980-1990s... and for the Filipino prep guy, i put in 50 Filipino songs, mostly oldies but goodies... and for the Taiwan cook i put in 80s mellow Taiwan pop like Teresa Tang and oldies like that.  but for me i put a mix of jazz, pop, new wave, classical, world, etc for international enjoyment!  Glad that earth is fill with different cultures!!!!!!

dear diary,

the fucking truth is people really hate to acknowldge the fucking truth.  Even if the really truthful truth is presented and shown to some in pictures and videos of what the reality truth is... they still don't want to believe it and thats the fuck up truth.

i mean like the recent story about the gorilla being shot and lions being shot  in the zoo to death because parents can be careless mother fuckerssss not taking care of their kids and bad accidents happens.  These innocent animals are shot dead just becos of these idotic parents not paying attention.  i mean how can a kid fall in to the playground of the zoo animals???? And we should just abondon zoos once and for all.  No one is happy to be trap in a cage or in a big back yard everyday.  Is like this... just imagines us humans being capture and is place in a nice house with food and water and clothing and everything you need, but you can only stay in that one house and never go any where and that is it!  For a week maybe its okay, but for even two weeks or a month and for the rest of your life is totally mess up!!!

God put us on earth and gave us plenty of freedom and spaces to roam around in this entire planet earth. Nothing was to be kept in some kind of pod or cages or any environment with walls.

i don't know its really fuck up that we humans think is good and normal to trap a bug in a jar or trap animals and cage them for us humans to enjoy.  Zoo is a business.  Like any other business, if no one goes to the zoo, then they don't make money and they of course have to shut it down.

just thinking.

we humans are smart but we don't know how to love.

been living here in Taiwan for almost 4 months.  Still getting use to the culture, the weather, people, etc  everything.  It is very hot and humid here during the summer.  the traffic is very silly, is like this there are laws and alot of folks don't fucking follow them.  even if the signal says walk you still have to look 4 times to make sure no asshole scottors and car cutting you off like HUMANs don't matter.  i don't know what the fuck is wrong with this mentality, but isn't it human life is more valuable than a car??? you can still fix a car when there is blood and human parts on it.  But when a human dies, we are dead.  Thats it no fucking more.  is that so hard to mother fucking understand???  human is made of of flesh and blood and its no match for metals... cars on the other hand is hard pieces of metal and can easily be replaced.  if we love and care for one another and each other in this world then accidents would be less and death  would be less.

anyways, just saying.


so hot here... i don't know

Gang BANG with your Wife Please ....motherfuckers!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.