Dear diary,
I have left the States and moved back to my homeland Taiwan, so its been about 4 months now. I was not born in Taiwan, but i have very good and fond memories of it.
Since i got back here, lots of things happen. First of all, family members think i'm crazy or have some kind of mental disorder or mental breakdown of some sort... so i was ask to go see a doctor, a psychiatrist in TaiChung. I was so down and depress about the whole thing, i wasn't piss as much as i would be, but i was really sad that my family members didn't trust me. I mean ya... i was overboard for getting mad and angry and cetain things and was emotional through out the whole trip since i knew that i'm not gonna see them for a while since they are going back to the States, i mean i will miss them especailly my sister's kids. So yeah i was crying more than usual, but that doesn't mean that i'm crazy or needs to see a mental doc for help.
Well, i'm so glad that, that is over... since i had to show them or prove to them that i don't have any problem. People just don't understand my feelings... over the course of the years since i understand about life through Christ, things have change. I have not love this World as in 1John would states... "Do Not Love this World' I understand that. And that in proverbs states that Wisdom will only make you sad and more sad, becos one comes to understand the world and by looking at the State of this world, the problems of the world, the way we humans treat each other.... yeah... is easy to become sad about it all, becos basically we are just selfish people. Selfish in the way that we can hurt each other just to something we want. WANT.
So this is the truth about life that probably alot of us don't want to admit to it. or probably getting piss with this blog by saying "what is his problem and what is he talking about???!!!"
Well if this makes any sense to anyone at all, this is my diary, my record of my life here on Earth or my stay in Taiwan.
Oh yeah, back to Taiwan. I have met alot of interesting people, i'm still trying to figure out about myself living within this culture. even though i speak the language, but i'm still consider a foreigner. I want to change that becos i want to be part of this country... not necessary about fitting right in or not, but more about being part of this place.
Well being back in Taiwan, i really didn't want to go to Church and i even pray to God about my feelings, my feelings about how much i hate being part of some segregated separated organization that is somewhat hateful toward each other for being that kind of denomination. So i really don't want to be part of anything that somewhat hates and pretend to be loving. Every church thinks they are going to Heaven and every church thinks that the other denomination is going to hell. Funny...
So since i pray and pray for about a month about not going to church, God sends this man who was suppose to help me with getting my artwork patent and then we started talking about God and Jesus and Mr. Kim ends up telling me that he is a Christian and that he would like to take me to his small group and eventually he brought me to his church. I mean seriously... Taiwan has only 3 percent of the population that are Christians... and i'm here trying to escape church, since nobody knows that i'm a Christian, so i can easily just blend in and then in the mist of my hiding, i bump into a Christian.
Now i have been attending the church that Mr. Kim goes to and also to another church near by.
Being back here in Taiwan, i still need to work and make some money to survive here on Earth. Even though i'm lucky to have free rent by living in my parents retire place. Basiclly i'm here alone, so the rent part is taken care of, but the food part is not, so i try to look for a job working in a Beef Noodle shop and i fired myself in 3 days realizing that this is not for me at all. I mean, i do have a plan, a dream more like. Well the plan, the dream is to open a small shop to teach kids how to make art toys/figures and to teach it in English. And since i fired myself in the Beef Noodle shop, the owner ask me then what will i do in Taiwan for work??? I smartly replied..."i'm gonna teach English!" And the boss looks at me with a bright eye and asks me if i would like to teach his two kids conversational English... hahaha and so now i have two students. Well, actually 4 now, 2 adults that ask me to teach them by default.
i guess my ugly ass problem is that i really have no guts or talent to sell my talent or my skills and then i end up having nothing.
But then i'm humble in many ways without really much spending money, but money for food (more like vegetable and egg) and once in a while some snacks that is it. I don't drive, so no gas money worry, i don't even take public transportation, since i can ride my bicycle anywhere i want. Anywhere is just around here and there. Not really anywhere far.....
AS for ARt and toys and everything. I guess being back here in Taiwan beats my lazy lifestyle in the States. i have realzie that i have wasted a lot of time.
Time does flys by fast, but life must go one and so i just move forward and now i am free from my demons!