Love (rejected ejected and dejected)

Dear diary, Don't know why, but i hate watching movies about love stories, i think most love stories are just bullshit since they are first of all movies and movies just pretends and romanticize everything... love is hardly perfect or so romantic in the way how movies are with all that music and sweet dialogues you know that this is the writers wet dream for love. So basically to me it is bullshit! If i was to write a love story, it would be as cruel as the stray dog on the street. Cause life isn't all about love dovy and shit! If you ever been rejected for like 3 times in a roll within that one year, you would probably want to kill yourself and say "fuck love!" cause that's how cruel love can be and that feeling of being rejected, dejected, and ejected in one stupid year, you would want the world to end as quick as possible. Cause love hurts!

Oh yeah, if i was to write a love story about a dude that gets rejected like the stray dog on the street, it would be like like the life of a stray dog.... walking alone in dark alleys, getting yell at by nasty mean strangers laughing as you walk your lonely way. ummmmm... going home in the mist of getting rain on and being honk at by cars that don't want to stop for shit. yes not even for a piece of lonely little smelly turd (that's how the traffic is in Taiwan by the way). My love story would not be about happiness but about loniness like a Wong Kar Wai film but probably will end up more like a John waters film with childish sick dark humors that only folks that gets rejected by love will understand and laugh. I think i feel better now.... since i watched this Taiwanese film called "YOu are the Apple of My Eyes"



This movie make me sad since in the end... the guy didn't end up with the girl and instead she married another man. It only made me think about my folking life. Always chasing and never end up with that girl... And the funny thing is, the girls that i have chase always have a bunch of other guys chasing her... so its like some kind of contest.  I like contest, but not with human relationship... Love is not a game and girls loves this kind of shit and i hate the fact that girls think they are so beautiful and pretty cos a bunch of guys chase after them... and in the end a bunch of losers gets hurt. And the sad part is... the guy that gets the girl will be all protective and being mean to all the other guys.  kind of cavemenish. 

to me chasing girl is ... like chasing that stupid rat or that fly or that cockaroach that just ends up escaping from me. Or like chasing a stray cat, whom i just wanted to  give some food to and it just runs away from me thinking that i'm some bad dude and not trusting me and runs away with caution.

So after watching this very nice movie about growing up in high school to manhood about a bunch of guys chasing that one girl... i tear up in the end tearing and thinking man does love stink! And you know you always want to wish the person getting married the best wishes but deep down in your heart you probably think... "i hope you end up fat and ugly!" hahaha... which is almost always true.

Once people get married, they always either get fat and ugly or they end up getting divorce and have some kind of sad and tragic adultry. I'm not speaking in bitterness, but in truth... since i have witness so many many many married couple friends that end up in someone else's bed. SAD but TRUE! So my days in Taiwan is just pure singlness... is not that i have not bump into anyone that is attractive to me, but that i feel that LOVE by today's standard is not about LOVE only anylonger.

People (married men and divorce women) has been telling me that women will love for "STABILITY" i don't know if that is the whole truth or not, but it is probably 50% truth. And i know girls look for that, what kind of job does this person does and how much MONEY he makes and vacations, fine restaurants blah blah blah blah blah.... So love is not really about the heart a lot time.  That is why we see alot of ugly guys dating very attractive women....  It is mostly about what you can get with in that "love" "stabilty" realtionship, which i understand.

So if any girl falls for me or if i date any girls here in Taiwan ... i'll just be straight with them... "your cute, but i'm as poor as the stray dog on the street... can you dig it?" But i work hard and have passion for things that i'm passionate about and i don't flirt around and i'm geniue and will do my best to grow old with you like the wrinkle old tree and LOVE is LOVE. CAn you dig it???" That's what i would say to a girl.  And if that girl accept me for who i am... than i hope that love will grow deeper and deeper until we get married and died together forever (like the famous Rick Ashley song!) Wonder how "Rick Roll" came about???

Anyways, its been raining for days now in TaiChung, and i just love it! I love rainy days, is romantic in a lonely way.... Love.