***just keep in mind that during that time I was always smoking marijuana daily and I was very much addicted to it! That was the only happiness in my life.
During 2004, I was like going into this NEGATIVE space; not only I was negative but almost EVERYONE around me was being really negative toward their own life and toward my life. For example I kept on hearing people saying "how come you still live with your parents???" "how come you drive this car, why don't you save up and buy a BMW etc.???" "How can you be happy with that job???"...etc.
Basically I was confuse, frustrated, and depress with how come ALMOST Everyone of us are mainly into material goods and MONEY??? Why do we base "happiness in life" upon on - making lots of money, have the best cars, eat the best food, have the most expensive house, the sexiest woman, the richest man, etc. etc. and all the best pleasure in life there is?
Through this frustration, I was looking for some answers about our existence on Earth. Like... "why are we here on this planet Earth and and why are we here for and the purpose of life?
And since no one around me can tell me the answers to these questions and because pressure from family and friends; all I wanted to do was to make a lot of money just so I can prove to them that I am better than what they think I am. So it was sort of like a revenge toward friends and family, i also had selfish pride. I was lost in this materialistic world.
One Sunday morning I woke up watching TV and this preacher called "Joel Osteen" was preaching about God, well he didn't really talk about God (if he did, I would of turn the channel), but he preach about our daily life and it makes sense to me... and in the end of the show, he would say "if you want Jesus Christ to be part of your life say this prayer with me." Joel also said " You will find joy and peace in your life!" I was like... who is Jesus Christ... I mean, I seen pictures and heard of him but didn't really know what he did nor did I know he is so controversial.
I was like "HA, this is stupid, why would some stupid prayer to someone who is dead, whom you can't see or touch or answer you back... make me feel Peace, Love, Happiness and Joy??? Is not like I will make lots of money and buy a house and have a nice and sweet vacation life?! It was a very silly idea to me!
But because I was kind of applying Joel's preaching, I was doing a bit better with people at work (since I was just so angry with my life and people in general... and work was a gossip land, which really didn't help with my yelling at all). So through out each Sunday morning, I would turn on the TV and find myself listening to Joel Osteen and going " Wow, he really makes sense!" But still, there is still emptiness in my life... so one Sunday (about 4 months later) I decided to try that prayer which Joel Osteen always talked about "asking Jesus to come into my life" I thought to myself, what is there to loose? I mean this dude- Joel Osteen have like 50thousands folks in Texas listening to him and he is a young dude like maybe in his early 40's (pretty successful)... So I decided to give myself in and prayed .... asking Jesus to come into my life and to forgive my sins.... .
Well after the prayer... nothing really changed. In fact, my relationships with friends and family didn't get better, it got worse, cause they kept on telling me to do this and that with my life (which is always related to MONEY!) But for some odd reason, as for my own inner self... I was getting better and happier. But still at times I had yelling sessions with people at work and with my parents etc. I just couldn't control my crazy temper.
Being defeated by them and having some sort of confuse depression... I keep on praying to God saying "WHO are you??? Why are we here? Why is everyone so against me and Why is this world so full of people just wanting to live lies and cheat in order to get money & pleasure in life... is that the meaning of life and happiness??
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A STRANGE ENCOUNTER (NOTE: remember that I was always smoking weed)
That morning I remember it very clearly. I woke up and did my daily smoking of weed and cigarettes.... and that morning I had a very big fight with my mom and my auntie (who was visiting) and we were arguing about money and president Bush etc. and I totally made my mom cry so sadly... So rushing off to work piss and angry and kind of suicidal, becos I felt life is just meaningless and worthless...
I was driving to work and eating a Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwich (which I eat almost every morning for breakfast). The drive was local, going through some hill side (on Colima road to Norwalk), so the radio was very loud, messy and static. I was thinking and frustrated with why is everyone so hard up on having the best job and making lots of money, etc. I was sad and piss with how people can be so selfish... and it really bugs me that my family and friends, who thinks that MONEY is everything in the world!
As I try to change the radio station, my Peanut Butter and Jelly got on the radio dial. So I use my napkin and try to clean up the thick Peanut Butter & Jelly on the Radio Dial and the stations just kept on changing and changing in to other music and morning talk stations. As i was going through some hillsides (which explains the staic on the radio stations). I said to God "God Who the F*** are YOU! Why can you answer me NOW!!! Why does everyone just think that Money is so important!" And as I asked the question about " Why is money so important to everyone in this world..." the Preacher man from the radio shout out in a loud and clear voice saying "Becos they love this world and do not know the love of God!." ( I again forgot exactly when the preacher said, but this is what I remembered)
And not only that, the weird and oddest thing was, I started crying and crying like a baby... I couldn't stop my self from crying and it felted like someone was squeezing my heart ; but that squeeze was a great and joyful feeling that I couldn't explain it! And the crying lasted for 40sec. to one minute or so... It was an awesome feeling like someone or something has came upon me. When I came back to myself again, it was like I was in a trans and I completely stop crying, I was wide awake. And the weirdest thing was... all my feeling of frustration was gone!!!! But I was all shaken literally... my body was just numb not from smoking weed (i wasn't high any longer, i was wide awake with a great shock and kind of scare...)
Well, the story didn't end here with the Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich... I mean that day could of been just some coincident that the radio had a Preacher man answered my question... But after that day, I began to really pay attention to everyone and everything around me. And I began to try to pray as much as I can that night and every other night. And slowly God reveal more of Himself to me and I was led to this Bible in the house. It was odd, becos, no one in my family knows Jesus or God or the Bible. But later I found out it was my Auntie's ex-husband's Bible (whom past away a while back from cancer). And when I opened the Bible it led me to alot of answers about life. I didn't go to church right away. Half a year or a year later, I moved to Chinatown and God led me to FCBC (my home Church in Chinatown).
This is the truth - J. C. Cho
For we brought nothing into this world, so we can not take anything out of it either. If we have food and covering with these we shall be content. For those who want to get rich fall into temptation and many foolish desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root to all sorts of evil, for some by longing for it have pierced themselves with many grieves. But flee from these things you Man of God and pursue righteousness, Godliness, Faith, Love, Perseverance and Gentleness.
1Timonthy 6:7-11 (from the Holy Bible)
“Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.”
What a beautiful testimony! I had a Paul experience in coming to Jesus in 1993.
ReplyDeleteKeep up with your witnessing.
Susan
Thanks for your encouragement!!!
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