race and understanding this bs

dear diary,

its fuck up... fuck up that when i'm honest with my feelings people get all offended when its the honest truth.  what's the point of being a fake ass... if your going to live your life and act like some fake ass just so you can have people like you and be nice to to you when your not being real is not real friendships.  i don't know, think about it... if you die tomorrow and because you didn't speak up about something... and your up there in heaven.... God tells you see, look at that... you should of said something, you could of got out of that ridicules situation, but because you want them to like you, now they're in deep shit!

lately there's a lot talk about racism.  racism is really misunderstanding, lack of understanding, lazy judgement or whatever the fuck shit you want to think and judge about a person.  it's not just racism, is more than that, is about class, wealth, you know the whole human fucking issues about being better than one another... feeling superior for having wealth and looking up and down on each other.  i always think, even if we have one pure race on planet earth, there would still be some kind of racism... like if the whole world was white, they probably separate each other by again, the tone of the skin color, or something stupid like the color of our hair, or by heights, or by fat and skinny people, etc.  HUMans for some reasons just don't want to have peace and just want to hate and cause some bullshit like racism...

like i have said many fucking times... racism is just such an old stone age thinking... is like backward thinkers that have no creativity thinks like this.  i'm so glad that we have so many different varieties of race on this planted earth. its so colorful. its so wonderful full of different experiences just by knowing some different culture.  when i was living in singapore, some of my best friends were Indians, i mean they are singaporeans, but they are of india decents.  one was a hindu and the was a muslim and they were my close friends  and teacher.  i really love and miss them.  they really really help me so much and we never think about the color of our skins, nor do we even give a fuck about. i mean, i'm this chinese kid in my mid-twenties and they were both in their mid to late fifties or older.  so they're my teachers, cause i learn so much about like and their religion and culture from them and that was it.  sigh... i really do miss these two old fucks! oh yeah, racism is really i don't know its like why? what the fuck?  i guess people fear, people fear because they don't care or  they fear because they don't know... not knowing what other people are like... just imagine if the would world was blind... will there still be racism? 

what's there to hate?  whats there to dislike about?  but the root of the problem with racism is the fact that people are narrow minded and sometimes its got to do with growing up with narrow minded parents with lack of knowledge on certain things in life, like race and culture.  that's why. maybe if there was a school program for kids at the age of 10 to travel into different part of the world and live and learn about people and race, definetely or hopfully no one will be growing up racist after that.  gee fucking wizz.. is like you don't find all those foodies that travel around the world being a fucking racist?  they fucking enjoy the culture and the food and probably there was more other countries.  humans are humans, we just eat, drink, shit, sleep, bath, brush our teeth, get married, have sex, yawn, get sick, get hungry, watch t.v. ride bike... etc. is the same.  the problem with our society is that there is just too much people that are SCARE of each other people's culture becos is out of our comfort zone.

anyways, for the past weeks, i have been teaching this art class to first grade and sixth grade.  it was all good until this crazy teacher shows up to assist me.  She was a really mean ass fucking bitch!  seriously, i don't even know why she is even qualify to teach, cos she really seems to dislike kids.  she was putting them down, degrading them, being very fucking impatient with them and i was fucking impatient with her even writing this pisses me off just thinking about her fucking ways.  oh yeah, shes very unattrative.. maybe that's her excuse.  but fuck man... i don't even care about looks, its the heart that count, i mean there's alot of bitchy girls out their that are pretty or beautiful that are fucking mean assholes... but this teacher was unattrative, carries a long ass face like shit is coming out of her and yelling and sighing and complaining how come this kid doesn't know how to use the siccors.... is like this kid was only a first grader... but it doesn't matter what the fuck grade he's in... he's a slow learner and we should just teach with love, kindness, and lots and lots of patients. But this teacher was such a fucking asshole that i almost just want to walk out of the class. she sat with this boy and just kept on verbally abusing him like he is dumb or something. i didn't had the mood to teach... i just kept on walking around pretending to help the other kids, but my heart was... if she was a he, i would of told her to step and just let her have it with my verbal abuse... in a kind way of course.. geezz... i am so down about living in Taiwan sometimes... just 2 and a half month.. i can barely this bullshit because people really don't want to admit the truth.  the government is screw up... just type "taiwan traffic accident" on youtube and you'll know what the hell is going on.  or type "taiwanese government fighting" you'll be dropping your jaws knowing how ganster and childish they behave.  i mean they have no fucking idea how to run this country and treat their citizen the right way...

okay i don't want to go to jail, but fuck... that teacher is really really a freaking ass to kids!  she even told this one girl that her art work only looks nice far away.  I mean.. what the fuck???!!!  And she even kept of telling some other kids that their parents would be piss and mad at them with their shitty art!  I don't know... if i didn't believe and follow Jesus's way, i would of just fucking karate the shit out of her if she was a guy... sigh...so spiting it out always helps my angry ass.   

Society... So richhhh, so poorrr, so unequal, so sadly to say.

dear diary,

i feel really fucking sad today... not that anything bad has happen to be, but i just feel sad at how this society works... its always been there and here, the upper, the middle, and the lower classes in this fucking world.  the way we fucking fuck each other with such grace.  is the reason why this planet earth, this world is in such a whatever the fuck way.

today, i had a job interview with one of the top private schools here in Taiwan.  i was well prepare for the interview, in fact i had a week to plan out the lesson to teach... reading and writing to second graders.  i wasn't nervous at all, in fact  i was very excited to have the opportunity to teach a demo class to these high society, privilege, well mannered rich kids from the upper upper upper mother fucking classes so proud and so brilliant that if we don't have them in this world, we are totally fucked as a whole in this God given society.

i have nothing against the rich folks nor any folks in this God given world.  but fuck man, just stepping into the front door, i felt the coldness from the people walking in and out from this huge building, even though it is such a sweaty humid hot sunny morning.

i arrived there at 7:30 am, just to be there early... since i didn't want to be late.  i noticed that the school is very clean... almost brand new as it was built yesterday.  unlike the some of the older public schools ... it was build maybe 40 years ago with crack walls , broken florescent lights, tiny old wooden desk that i remember from the 70's.... etc.

as i was being escorted inside by the dean of the school... i noticed that almost no one ever smile or even say good morning to each other as we pass by some of the teachers coming in for work, everyone just pull a long face like something awful happen to them.  i didn't want to judge, so i was waiting to see what would happen through out the 3 hour interview.  oh yeah, it was three hours, becos i was told to wait in this lobby where teachers clock for work... i waited like for like an hour and a half before the demo class.

like i said the school is very nice, almost brand new, and it was located in a secluded countryside area.  besides the weather, it seem like a very nice place to teach with a big backyard full of farmlands and you can hear lots of summer beetles cheep cheep cheeping nonstop.  still i didn't feel welcome at all, since every staff member that walks in to punch in their time-card look so stern with an unhappy face with no smile, not even a simple good morning, instead mostly just nod their head as i smile and greeted them with an enthusiastic good morning.  even the kids rushing to class didn't smile at all, i said good morning to them and they just ignored me like i was invisible.  i suddenly thought to myself, should i even bust out my blues band -  hohner harmonica in the key of C?

anyways, as i waited.. more staff walked in with cold stern looks, i let out a sigh, thinking to myself, do i even want to be part of this communist regime??? that how it felt like, of course i'm being sarcastic, but it does felt like kin jong un is part of this cover up.  making the school look wonderful, brand new and untouch, but everyone is expect to be like a stern robot.

this school has a high reputation for high pays to teachers and staffs and everyone going there comes from very rich families that's why they can afford being in this regime.  so i don't know what the fuck to think of it.  i don't know, maybe that's part of being rich... no smiles and raise your head high like north korea.

as   i was waiting in the lounge area, they had some food delivery... and fuck, they really want their children to start early with diabetes. the delivery man brought in almost 50 bottles of all the sodas you can think of... orange crush, coke, 7-up, rootbeer, you name it.  i was shock, they even had cans of nutella and more other delicious sugary stuff to feed the young. since it is an American school, i guess they think this is the way American way do it... get them use to the American life style with lots of junk.. but the fact is... America children don't do that kind of drug any more... i guess they haven't read the news lately or for the last 5 years!!!???

So this teacher assistant walks in to the lounge to assist me about whats going to happen after i waited for almost 1 and a half hours.   i said hello and put my hand out as a friendly gesture to "shake hand" like any normal person would do, but she just put out her hand with no grip, no feelings, no nothing and i shook it like it was dead... soft and weak, absolutely no grips at all!  and not only that, there was no smile at all. i should of sang a song to her right there and then to see her reaction, that was how hard it was to get a smile out of this person.

then 20 mins. later, another staff member show me around the school.... finally someone real... she smile and shook my hand and showed me around.  She was honest too, she told me that this school is really rich and full of privilege kids... parents from all over Taiwan would send their kids here just to get proper education... so even though this is an elementary school (more like a military school)... they have a dorm for these children from age 7 to 12.... they all live there for like half a year or so.

after the walk through...  i was overwhelm by their all their faculties... i met more staffs, i was told that the English department is mostly from Canada.. but still, they all look like they really enjoy nothing, no smile,  a simple hey and that it...no nothing... it was definitively unwelcoming!  even before the interview/demo class, i confirm to myself... fuck this shit... i want to enjoy teaching and enjoy goofing around with these kids and let them learn in most fun and relaxing way as possible.... so i wasn't gonna let them turn me into a robot and be part of kim jong un's regime.

well, after all that meet and greet fakeness, i was move on to the classroom to do a demo class for 5 special brilliant kids.  i told myself, i should just do my best and see how good or sucky i am... and i think i did pretty okay, i know rushed, since i have only 30 mins.  i thought i had to teach reading and writing all together, but i rushed with the story telling, i made them jump like a grasshopper, since that was what the book is about and the kids enjoy that.  oh yeah, when i met the kids, they didn't really smile at all.  two kids was running around, so that seems normal, but they were stop by one of the teachers, even though it was their break time. i try my best making goofy noises while reading the story to them, they seem to enjoy it, but was kind of bore, but that's my fault, since i was a bit nervous with 4 teachers grading me and a video camera was recording me.  after the story, i just told them to write and draw of the topic and i actually did break out the harmonica and play a few notes... and before i left, i just encourage them to get a mini note book to draw, write, and jot down ideas etc.  and then the dean escorted me out and had a chat with me.  She actually liked my style, but said their school is "different' from all other schools and public schools... becos they are special. She told me, can i come back and try it again next time with another demo teaching but just slow down the whole process... i didn't think twice... i never answer her, but ask her a few questions about their school and that was it.  i think i rather get lower pay and teach the so called "under privilege" kids from the public schools.. because they are too privilege, they don't need a gangster punk like me, i'll just ruined it for all of them by having too much fun.

just like some churches... all rules and with no heart.

all for love and love for all!

peacemotherbitches

The great take over to peace from my pop

Dear diary,

the truth is working at my dad's was a very valuable lesson that i will never forget is that i had to do this in order to have a good relationship with my parents, espcially with my dad.

dad and i never really got along.  it was all becos of the past, becos my dad has a bad temper.  Always treated my mom with disrespect and they fight alot and my dad yells alot with massive temper.  It was crazy at times .... so......taking over the restaurant was a choice i had to make.  i could of went back to singapore to work as a t.v. director or chose to work beside my dad in the kitchen and learn how to cook (which i know nothing about).  it was a hard choice, i mean i could of work in Singapore and enjoy the easy life... but in the end i chose the kitchen instead hoping to have a better relationship with my dad since i don't want to regret it one day not having peace with him.

working with him was kind of fuck up as like in hells kitchen but worse.  its not that im all good and perfect either, and i do have that bad temper too... kind of crazy at times.  so working together with knifes and butcher knifes is kind of fucked up,  even though we never got to the point of using... it was still fuck up becos we almost use our fists... he wanted to challegnge to a fight, but i always decline becos i told him, i will beat him easily and that would not be fair...

the reason being... everytime when i see something not right... i want to do something about it and stand up for it to make it right.... like my dad using tofu or any ingredient that was going bad with fucking stinks, i would say something... because he wanted to save money, which IS not the way to go in a restaurant.  And when i bring this up with my dad, he fucking goes nuts and gets all pisss off and he would just say shit like "yeah, you think you know everything"  meaning i went to college etc.  but fuck, i just don't want our customers to get sick and not to get sue and its just not right and people won't come back to our restaurant again... so everytime we fight is always about the food and how it was serve and how it was cook etc. thats why we always fight, becos that happens all the time!  Bad stinking food being serve to someone PAYING for our food and service.  SIGH!  i mean he did have a lot of customers in 10 years ago.

my dad's a very good cook, expect that he was so out of it.  I only came to realize that when i had to manage the restaurat all by myself. he was so out of it meaning he was tried... since working nonstop for almost 25 years or so in the same kitchen doing the same thing everyday and not going on any vacations, he was totally burned out! really fucking burned out!!! i would too, if i was in his position.  But still, he didn't have the right to serve stinking lousy food to our customers who's paying their hard earn money for rotten crappy food! it was unhealthy and not fresh... and he did drove his customers away.

So being me, trying my best to do the best... i got so depress working with him becos he just wouldn't listen to reason and make changes.  it was hard, i almost wanted to quit! but i just keep going, kept praying  to God and always getting the prayers answered.  so to prepare myself to take over the joint... i had to learn how to cook from the internet.  how to wok, how much salt to add, how to not slack with the ingredients... i think it took me about two years to really truely understand what i was doing right and wrong. since my dad didn't really want to give all his "secret' recipes, and not really teaching the exact way to cook... i  had to sweet talk by asking about his past...i.e. making conversations... and  dig the recipe out of him when he's in a good mood.   but as we work closely together and got to understand each other more and more, his heart soften and my dad became nicer and NICER... it was a fucking big relief.

so after a year and a half working and trainging with dad, he finally trust me and let me handle the whole kitchen on my own.  i was nervous at first, becos i really don't want to fuck it up. and plus i have to deal with the prep cook, cooks, and dish washer that listen to my dad more than me... but then again the business was mediocre when i took over...  so all i had to do was fellow the recipe and make some adjustments and to keep thing nice and fresh, and  that should be able to bring back some old customers.  and it did!

during this time, my dad finally went on his first vacation back to Taiwan, he stay there for 3 months... he was so skinny  from over worked and not relaxing before  his trip....and after his trip to Taiwan, he came back quite fat with a beer belly of some sort. And he smile with a real smile, and that was a fucking joy to see.  because he always had a grouchy face and for the first time, he ask me how i was and shit like a father should do.  it was fucking unusual for me, since he doesn't care for my birthday, christmas, etc. nothing.  so it was a big change!!~!

again... after working in the kitchen for 4 years i only realize that my dad was a really hard working person, expect that he was so burned out with life from work and he lost himself.  he work so we can go to college, he work so he can provide food on the table etc. you know the whole deal with being a  dad, a parent...And taking over the restaurtant only made me understand why he was such a grouchy man from being lock in the kitchen over grease and heat everyday and to deal with the kitchen helpers is not a easy job... so i forgive and i'm glad that i went through this whole learning experience... if i just left and work in Singapore, we would never have that peace.. now i will never regret it!

All around the world!

dear diary,

its again another crazy day on earth.  People just loves to control people.  we humans just LOVES to control each other, so those who can't control the situation, they go all violent on it!

Its been like that for so long, becos we are all little Children misbehaving on our own.  those who are much more mature make laws to prevent such violent when those crazy thinkers who wants total control goes violent by shooting every Gay/Homosexuals to death.. total 50 of them.  This is HATE, with terror and violence.  this mother fucker is a coward!

Being a christian and all i always hated at church, when someone makes an unloving remark about homosexuals, i get fucking piss and offended, because i know quite a few gays from working in the television industry.  people are more open in the television industry, i don't know why.... but pretty much everyone gay is very open with their feminine side. Which is great, is like an expression of who they are.  we're all humans for fuck sakes... why should we judge gays?  they're humans too, what the fuck?  Is like racist and shit!


i still think... why we are here in this world... is to learn how to love one another!  If we all know how to love each other and be creative and just focus on love and helping and improving and shit like that... we be enjoying life with peace man!

If "religious folks from different REligious organizations can have an open mind and LOVE for God's sake... and influence and have inner loving peace and stop being so fucking high up with reigiousocity... and stop fucking judge everything that is "bad or NOT right...." and have an opened minded and don't be like :     

"i'm from blah blah blah religous group... i know what is wrong and right!... all you people that DON:T believe  in my religion are SOOOOO  going to hell mother fuckers!...

but see, none of us have seen the actual GOD...................  hahaha... so all religion is all base of GOOD faith.  If we practice on loving and not being religious with rules and regulations... IF we just love. and stop forcing people to feel they are wrong and guilty for beliving in the "wrong" religion...  and just share if you have the chance to..  life is about learning from each other.  like i really love to get to know all the culture in this world.  if we just learn to love and accept each other's way of eating and adapt to some of the ways... fuck man... you don't know what the heck food we can come up with.... its like now, people are beginning to understand about internationalizm.... becos of the internet like YOUTUBE.

culture is awesome.  don't be relgious, believe in your "GOD" and lets all just wait till the day we die and see the one true God and laugh about all this nonsense on earth... so silly of us human beings being so evil to one another.




with this shooting of 50 males targeted because it is a Gay nightclub.  It is a racist hate crime.

LIfe in the kitchen... training days!

dear diary,

its been 4 years working at my dad's restaurant.  it was one big ride and adventure.  i must say, it was pretty fuck up at times becos of lack of communication and lack of team work.  it was a frustrating time for me to take over a restaurant which i didn't really have a big interest for.  I mean i'm glad that i went through it, but fuck people really can be so old fashion and afraid of change for the better that i became an asshole in front of them.

Why i did come an asshole was because the people i worked with really was bullshit.  but i'm glad we sold it after i was there for 4 years to our partner.

i mean i don't mind the job even though i sometimes did dreaded going to work, since i have to wake up at 7 am and get to work to prepare everything without a real break (maybe 30 mins.)  and go home around 8:30pm.  6 days a week and on mondays(which is my day off), i still have to go to the supermarket to stock up whatever is gone.

It was dreadful at times not becos of the job, but becos of the people i have to work with in the kitchen.  Its like fuck... these old man, they really bully me when i'm the manager of the kitchen.  if i ask them polietly to finish up all the prepping for the day, they would puposely prep it all slowly until we get busy and have no time to prep it.  it always happens, and if i be firm with them... not yelling yet, they become assholish and starts putting metal wires on the food.. Good thing i caught them... it was hell!

So dealing with people even if you have the most respect and love for them, they just becomes jerks!  And these guys are all 10 to 20 years older than me.  I always felt like crying because i want to fucking yell at them.  But its like so hard to hire good kitchen workers, so they take advantage of me becos of that.  they know that if i fire them then i have to cook and i'll have to cook everything on my own.

overall the work was easy after you get use to it, since is about the same everyday and everyweek.  What was pulling me down was their attitude and their own fashion thinking and their cooking could of been wayyyyy better if they fellow exactly the way i want to do it.  But no everyone is like a bully to me!

So everyday to keep my self sane, i put on music from my ipod.  since the main cook is from HOng Kong, i put 50 songs from Canton pop 1980-1990s... and for the Filipino prep guy, i put in 50 Filipino songs, mostly oldies but goodies... and for the Taiwan cook i put in 80s mellow Taiwan pop like Teresa Tang and oldies like that.  but for me i put a mix of jazz, pop, new wave, classical, world, etc for international enjoyment!  Glad that earth is fill with different cultures!!!!!!

dear diary,

the fucking truth is people really hate to acknowldge the fucking truth.  Even if the really truthful truth is presented and shown to some in pictures and videos of what the reality truth is... they still don't want to believe it and thats the fuck up truth.

i mean like the recent story about the gorilla being shot and lions being shot  in the zoo to death because parents can be careless mother fuckerssss not taking care of their kids and bad accidents happens.  These innocent animals are shot dead just becos of these idotic parents not paying attention.  i mean how can a kid fall in to the playground of the zoo animals???? And we should just abondon zoos once and for all.  No one is happy to be trap in a cage or in a big back yard everyday.  Is like this... just imagines us humans being capture and is place in a nice house with food and water and clothing and everything you need, but you can only stay in that one house and never go any where and that is it!  For a week maybe its okay, but for even two weeks or a month and for the rest of your life is totally mess up!!!

God put us on earth and gave us plenty of freedom and spaces to roam around in this entire planet earth. Nothing was to be kept in some kind of pod or cages or any environment with walls.

i don't know its really fuck up that we humans think is good and normal to trap a bug in a jar or trap animals and cage them for us humans to enjoy.  Zoo is a business.  Like any other business, if no one goes to the zoo, then they don't make money and they of course have to shut it down.

just thinking.

we humans are smart but we don't know how to love.

been living here in Taiwan for almost 4 months.  Still getting use to the culture, the weather, people, etc  everything.  It is very hot and humid here during the summer.  the traffic is very silly, is like this there are laws and alot of folks don't fucking follow them.  even if the signal says walk you still have to look 4 times to make sure no asshole scottors and car cutting you off like HUMANs don't matter.  i don't know what the fuck is wrong with this mentality, but isn't it human life is more valuable than a car??? you can still fix a car when there is blood and human parts on it.  But when a human dies, we are dead.  Thats it no fucking more.  is that so hard to mother fucking understand???  human is made of of flesh and blood and its no match for metals... cars on the other hand is hard pieces of metal and can easily be replaced.  if we love and care for one another and each other in this world then accidents would be less and death  would be less.

anyways, just saying.


so hot here... i don't know

Gang BANG with your Wife Please ....motherfuckers!

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Life part 1

Dear diary,

Life is basically about learning.

learning from people.
learning how to live with people.
learning how to accept people, like your neighbors, your classmates, your co workers, your steps, everyone in this world.
learning from our mistakes.
learning and making more of the same mistakes.
learning to let go of possessions and understand the way of life without worries, then you will enjoy life even more with less.

Now...

if you want to understand why we are here on this earth.... well, we are here to learn to LOVE each other... Simply Love each other with care and pure joyfulness in the heart. meaning peace with every race on earth.

But Love may seem simple, but it is crazily hard to simply love, becos we humans have too many pride in our OWN ideas and opinions that we simply make more enemies than love.

so love is Hard, very hard, so hard that LOVE can be so f-up that when love is hurt, it becomes HATE and EVIL.  So when there is GREAT Love,  then there is the oppodsite.... the great hate.

Satan and God probably had a very close relationship. Satan was once a very high angle name Lusefer and LOVED God very much. But Satan maybe became angry or prideful or want to be God or something. So that is why Satan wants to destory God's creation, which is us the human race.

So Love is really hard... is like ask yourself this question... if Satan asks God for forgivness, should God forgive him? Or would you be surprise to see Hitler in Heaven?  So LOVE is HARD!

That is why we are here on Earth, to learn how to love each other to live together, helping each other out, being CREATIVE and trying to solve everyday problems to help society live a eaisier and comfortable life.  wtf! 

The importance of space within a relationship.

Dear diary,

The importance of space with in a relationship is very IMPORTANT!

Everyone needs space.... meaning people, we the human race needs time to be alone, by ourselves.

Like married couples should have separate rooms, so that the guy can have his room and the girl can have her room.  And there should be nothing weird about it... i mean, if the couple feel like sleeping each other, than they can choose rooms.

anyways, just a thought.  But space is very important... is like this, when you see the same OLD people everyday, you can easily get sick of them or he or she... i'm just saying that the reality, the truth.  So that is why is important to get some space.

But having space does not mean that you abuse that time when being alone, like jerking off to Porn... hiding a secret laptop in your secret hideout... so having your own room does NOT mean you can go and CHEAT on your wife watching and getting addited to porn.  Cos it will hurt your wife and one will only start lusting after woman.  This is the truth, when people watch too much porn, you look at every woman on the street like a porn video!@

And as for wives, woman, i don't know what to say, but still don't think LADIEs, girls, woman are all INNOCENT..  I have a friend, who is now like a Taoist monk with long white hair now and before he became a Taoist monk, he was married to a "pretty" wife and one day, he caught his wife in bed with a man... so, instead of being violent, he became peaceful and found Taoist philosophy.  Is sad but true. 

RElationship is really hard, so again, is all about LOVE in the Bible way.  Cos i'm telling you the truth... i was never married, but i've seen so many people committing adultery, before i really thought adultery is all "normal".  But in fact it can lead to suicide, depression, manic depression, sadness, anger, murder, mass murder, you know all the crazy stuff..

And we tend to look at attractiveness first... so that is a mistake, cos Love is not about that. is about LOVE.  Meaning....you would this man or woman with all might and strength even if the person you love is handicap from a car accident.....   even if the person you love becomes burn and looks like jabba the hunt..... even if the person you love has become a sex or drug addict..... even if the person you love is not attractive at all anyone like the hot sexy mama or papa before..... even if the person you love has commited adultry BUT realizes the mistakes and true to the HEART wanting to change.....

So relationship is hard, but is worth it when there is LOVE (like the bible) and its true it take two fucking hands to clap.  So clap harder and stop fucking divorcing already, thats a shit trend!

What's Going ON?

Dear diary,

What is going on?  What..................?
Whats going on bitch?  Notin bro....................!
What's going on nigger?!  Yo notin mooch bitch...................

So what's going on?

WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!

Like this world we live in.

WHAT'S GOING ON!

I'm telling you, SOmeThings going on and ITS been going on!

So that's what going on.

But WAIT.!  ... whats going on with the Earth that we live on?

What's going on is that YOU DON'T KNOW what's going on, so that's the trouble with all thats going on!

Huh?  But.... Whats going on?

Whats going on is that the world is going on and on and on.... and somethings going on that needs to be said.

OKAY!

SOOOOooooooo..... what is GOINGGGG ON@@@!

I tell you the truth, with the troubles in our world today, that's whats mother*#(R*R)R going on!

Do "All Dogs Really Go to Heaven!?"

Dear Diary,

Today my dog has and is in Heaven.  I know he is, becos he has a Soul!  My dog understands me heunderstands alot of things.  He's got feelings, its crazy how we can communicate with them. So I was really sad today, but not shock, since he's pretty old and was always running out of breath.  Even though it didn't shock me, but i just thought... wow, that is all of a sudden...while i was in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes at work..i got this phone call from my uncle. I was thinking..."huh... my uncle rarely calls me and he knows i'm at work... Then the news came and Bang!  the end of Riley... his last breath on earth and i didn't even get to see him before he dies!  I try not to cry but gosh I just couldn't hold it in and i hate the fact that i had to cry in front of strangers....gezzz .... but anyways, i will miss Riley alot becos he has a soul.  You know how i know dogs has souls? Cos dogs communicate with you and they communicate with one another and they understands you... dogs understand human language... its weird but they really do.   so anything that has a soul will be in Heaven.

WTF is the meaning of LIFE! GEEEZZZZZ

What is the meaning of life?

That's a  question i have been pondering, wondering and hating about.  Why do i hate it, its that life can be such a happy misery... not that i am unhappy with my life or with myself, it is just that what is happening around this world or just here in the United States that makes me sad and angry that we humans CAN be sooooooooooo mean to one another that that is why we are always warring with one another.

Is the truth you know, from the beginning of time, we human beings has been at war with with other race, culture, class, and even family members.

So what does warring and humans have to do with the meaning of life you might ask? 

Well... believe it or not, it is a very simple thing.  So simple the answer is but at the same time, so difficult to accomplish.

This is the meaning of life.  Why are we here?  Why are we here on this Earth?

We the human race are born here on this plant Earth, becos God our creator wants us to learn how to life with one another and HOW to LOVE each other and be mature loving beings toward all mankind.  That is why we are here on Earth. To learn how to live and love each other.

Think about it....The meaning of life is about being CREATIVE. Being loving toward ALL human race.  God didn't create one type of humans. He created different races and cultures within the races and you know different types of human man and woman and tall, short, fat, skinny, dark skin to light skin colors....

You know the creator loves being creative, so he create, creating things and beings.  So that is why there is so many different kinds of human.   And I AM Sooooooooooo glad that God created so many variety of us.  With us humans being a variety... we get to taste different types of food, like Chinese, Italian, India, etc. etc. etc. the variety of cultures. Like Anime from Japan, Kung Fu films from Hong Kong, Block buster Hollywood films, you know the variety of cultures...

See it is that simple.

Why are we always warring with one another...its just so sad and tried and meaningless becos if we human hate each other, we are wasting time to have fun with one other learning about one anothers culture.

If we human race as a whole,  by being creative and set aside the difference by working things out and working together as ONE race, I think we be doing wonders... like living on the Moon right now!  (stop spending money of the unproductive stuff like nuclear weapons.... i mean if we use it, there no point of living at all !)


So some of you might ask... if God is real and He created us, why can't we just be in Heaven and be with HIM?"????????

Well, the same is the same... we are here to learn to love each other.  (sounds simple, but it is the hardest thing to do...----think about it...)

or yeah, why not be in heaven when we are born.  And why are we created anyways???  We are created becos of LOVE.  God love, so he create... Just as us humans, husband and wife LOVEs each other, so they create a baby.

oh yeah again... we are not right away in heaven when we are born .. becos, if we never knew suffering or hardship or the ups and downs of life, then we will NOT Appreciate the Wonderful Fantastical magical Heaven which God created for us to enjoy.  Is like this... if you were born in a rich family and grew up being spoil and don't know any hardship etc. then you will not appreciate what you have, even if someone gave you a  $100 hamburger, that person might snare and say "So what... last week my boyfriend from France me a $3000 hamburger made by Chef Gordon Ramsay..."  Anyways,...

Imagine a place with no war, rule by Jesus and peace and lots of things which i don't know about.  But I know Heaven will be crazier than Avatar and all the most fantastical things you never ever seen yet!!!

Anyways, think about it.  I believe this is the meaning of life... What do you think?

haha

Peace and God Blesses Us All!

Life in the Kitchen

Dear diary,

life is life and life is real, but what is life when life is just life?

the truth is no one wants to admits the truth. and this is the truth.

its been a year since i left Taiwan, i try not to think about it, but thinking about Taiwan just mades me sad.  I really love Taiwan and i wanted to stay there and have a life there, but life is really just life, you just got to do what you got to do and make the best of it.

all those folks i met in taiwan really really are some of the warmest folks that i have ever met.  Mostly old folks, i don't know, i just don't click with the younger folks. anyways, what the fok!

Well, being back here in the good old california.  i mean i don't dislike or hate l.a, but i just feel like we just drive and drive to everywhere. and every where there is the same mall , with the same old brands in different branches.  every city you go there is the same mall near your house. i mean some malls ARE fancier, but mostly the same....

so its been a year since i've been working at dad's place cooking and chopping and cleaning in the kitchen.  dad really really is childish.  he is just too old school and need to get out of that nasty old habit that don't belong in the kitchen!.......  like yelling at people when we are just learning. is not like i wanted this job in the first place.  so this is my document just to remind myself how dad has change since Christ worked through us!....

 i tell you the truth, at times, we just want to kill each other, never with knifes, which is a good thing... but he for some reason always want to challange me to a fight!!!  For reals... i'm like dude, are you serious?  I'll whip your ass upside down! cause i've been learning kung fu from the internet.

and the f up thing is that, every fight i'm always the blame for it!  if you seen Nightmare Kitchen you have seen how me and my dad is but worse when we fight! really.... is like, for example. when there was food that was going stinking bad, he would argue that it is not bad.. and i'm like "What"... this tofu is sour... then we get in to argument and i would be saying... "if you serve this to the customers, people will know, people are not stupid...!" then he would get any angry start cusing in Chinese and says "I quit!"  and i would be all freak out, cos i still dont' know now to cook some of the other dishes.

but its a great  thing now. after one year of all this fighting and shooting and cussing at one another we finally just let it go.  i only pray to God that if my dad would sever bad food or have a bad attitude, let him have no business.  and here is the funny part and it happens!

Guilty as Single... What the Heck!

Dear diary,

Why do married couples sometimes like to criticize single people? 

Seriously folks, is like i am guilty for being single.  I have some married couples say things to me like "so your still single?  ha...you have it all easy, single life.. your not done playing around yet huh?!"

Is like what does being a lonely single person like me have to do with "done playing around?"  Life is life and people have a choice to be single or be with a girlfriend or boyfriend or be married...  And being single does not mean your a playboy or what not or whatever the fuck!

It get even worse from all these put down judgements .... some would say "Oh... you have it all easy, you don't have to take care of kids deal with their blah blah blah ....and how much are you saving, your single...you must be rich, since you don't have no one to take care of .. blah blah blah blah blah blah blahb lahb...."

I mean, i don't think anyone pointed a gun to the couple and say... "you guys better get me married and have kids and be unhappy for the rest for your married f-up life!"....  Marriage is all simply choices... your choice.. NOT my problem and my choice.

So if your single and some married couple starts giving you crap and making you feeling guilty for being single from their lovely black heart.... just say this to them...  "look i love you guys, but wtf???... did anyone pointed a gun and force you guys to get married like some mother f-ing bitches? no right???  huh?"

Sorry to be so piss about this.... but F man... why does married couples like critize me for not being married at 40.... i really thought it is a choice... and besides, we are over populated and Paul from the Bible did say it is best for one to not get married.   And he right!

Peaceout!

Cussing is rude, but i'm not saying to anyone in their faces... sooooooo i'm harming anyone... its a freedom of my own expression in writing... meaning that i need to express my opinion to married couples that are rude and bitter with single folks...that is all.

CHRISTmas is not Xmas.......!!

You know, the truth is, this is the truth.

We celebrate Christmas is all becos of Jesus Christ = CHRISTmas.

And Satan is again very smart and cunning...

So he uses the x to X out Christ's name and there you go...

Merry X'mas.

Just like alot of thing Satan does... even the use of Jesus's name. Even Jesus Christ's become a cuss word. Oh s***!  Jesus Christ! Oh my God F-off!

OR

God Da**** **!


I mean Satan controls this world and he's enjoying it!  And he's here to destroy the people of this world .... that us (the human race).

Hey, Satan need not to start a war, the humans will Start the war itself and kill oneself and for ALL.

That is the truth. What can we do???? Just LOVE.

PeaceOut! 

2 Timothy 3:1-5

2 Timothy 3:1-5

King James Version (KJV)

3 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

² For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
³ Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
⁴ Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
⁵ Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

Pray! Pray! Pray! Prayer is the Way as the Preacher say!

God  (owner of planet Earth).  He spoke out and created the world, the universe.  And that was how the world was created by God's word.

Satan, the devil seeks out to rule over Earth (that includes the Human race).

Human was suppose to manage Earth, but sin caused us the human race to fall and we have no trust in God.  Because Men sin, so satan the devil controls our life.

Everytime we obey Satan's (that is when we SIN), he becomes yours/our lord and pastor.  So we are lost from God.

This is not God's will but Men chose to follow "The prince of this world" that is Satan. So we are now all in Satan's hands.

Church in a America is in a real mess.  Christianity in other countries such as China, Russia, Vietnam, etc. shows a different type of Christianity.  By this we mean that they are lead by the HOLY SPIRIT (as we churches in America is lead by PROGRAMS)...

There is a Spiritual War within us the human race.  Satan is in control, he is on top of us, so the sad truth is that we are not praying by the HOLY SPIRIT.

We humans have poor management of the Earth and men gave this to Satan, so God send his son Jesus Christ to show us the truth and how to "Love One Another."

Jesus could of chose evil while He was in human form, but because of His Father's strength in Him, He was able to fight off the temptation Satan had planned. Since Jesus Christ was 100% human form, He could of still chose to sin but He didn't because God was strong in Him and Jesus had the Truth by Faith!

Satan will not give up this fight to destroy the Human race.  He hates all of God's creation.  Satan refuse to stop this fight... until he is destroy and he knows his time is limited.  And his wish is to take the life of all human race into hell with him. 

Satan is supported by mankind, by this we mean that even though the human race have the freedom of choice to choose between good and evil, but when we  are tempted to sin, we give Satan permission to take us down (to accuse us to God).  Satan is very subtle in way of tempting us by making every sin look good and to make sin appealing (if is not appealing then it wouldn't be temptation.  So it is us the human race that gives our mind to Satan which we let him to have permission to take over our flesh. 

God does not force you to love Him or believe in Him.... God gives us freewill nor does God force us to love Him.  God only want us to trust in Him and to believe in Him and to love one another for we are all one as the human race.  God gives you the Freedom of choice and will not choose for you, but He wants to warn you of evil and guide you to Love through the HOLY SPIRIT.

Satan especially hates Christians and he will tempt you by promising you success in this world.  So we have a choice to make... that is to choose between God or Satan.

Satan's work is to mess up and destroy the image of God and he doesn't want the human race tobe save (to be written in the Book of Life to be in Heaven with God).  Once Satan has you in control, he will NOT care about you and destroy your love for God.

Satan knows that in the end he is defeated... since Hell was created for him, so he will do everything to take the human race with him by any means.  And Satan being an Holy Angel once, knows the word of God more than any Christians on this Earth.  And he will not give up his fight to destroy until the end.

To fight Satan, one must know that by Prayer... it is the only way to win every fight against Satan's temptation for us to sin.  So we Christian's shouldn't be afraid to use prayer to fight Satan's evil schemes.

Satan is scare when we declare "In JESUS Name!"  This is our power to communicate with God as a Christian or someone that is searching for the truth.

Once we are save and believe in God (in the name of Jesus Christ).... Satan wants to make our prayer power ignorant... by being shy about using prayer.  Satan's goal then is to try to destroy our family (marriage, relationship with parents, siblings, etc.) 

As a Christian, with prayer, we can defeat the power of Satan.  But if we are ignorant of our power (our authority from God), then we just let Satan win over our flesh, mind, soul, and spirit.

So as a Christian, we must pray specifically for each NAMES... but we must continue to pray for those who are still lost in this world.  So ONE prayer is not enough, we must pray with habit and keep praying for the people's name and once Satan knows that we are serious about our trust in the Lord, he will flea from us.  God will give the Holy Spirit to those individuals who needs tobe safe.

Don't be afraid to take risk with our Father!  For He is the creator! 

So we must always ask....... IN JESUS NAME (which is a force release with our faith in prayer!)

Our prayer much be pray with the right motivation.... not the motivation of being rich and prosperity which is a big no-no.

Prayer must be persistent and definite.... So keep on PRAYING!!!

Sex, drug, alcohol is to hook us and alot of the sin today is the same as in the church and in the world.

Church can also be a good target place for Satan... (i.e. Deacons,  Ministers, Pastors, etc.) So we must watch our guards and keep on praying!!!

This world is a hostage to the Devil, we need to set the lost souls free with the knowledge of TRUTH!

So we must pray to make it today!!!

Love (rejected ejected and dejected)

Dear diary, Don't know why, but i hate watching movies about love stories, i think most love stories are just bullshit since they are first of all movies and movies just pretends and romanticize everything... love is hardly perfect or so romantic in the way how movies are with all that music and sweet dialogues you know that this is the writers wet dream for love. So basically to me it is bullshit! If i was to write a love story, it would be as cruel as the stray dog on the street. Cause life isn't all about love dovy and shit! If you ever been rejected for like 3 times in a roll within that one year, you would probably want to kill yourself and say "fuck love!" cause that's how cruel love can be and that feeling of being rejected, dejected, and ejected in one stupid year, you would want the world to end as quick as possible. Cause love hurts!

Oh yeah, if i was to write a love story about a dude that gets rejected like the stray dog on the street, it would be like like the life of a stray dog.... walking alone in dark alleys, getting yell at by nasty mean strangers laughing as you walk your lonely way. ummmmm... going home in the mist of getting rain on and being honk at by cars that don't want to stop for shit. yes not even for a piece of lonely little smelly turd (that's how the traffic is in Taiwan by the way). My love story would not be about happiness but about loniness like a Wong Kar Wai film but probably will end up more like a John waters film with childish sick dark humors that only folks that gets rejected by love will understand and laugh. I think i feel better now.... since i watched this Taiwanese film called "YOu are the Apple of My Eyes"



This movie make me sad since in the end... the guy didn't end up with the girl and instead she married another man. It only made me think about my folking life. Always chasing and never end up with that girl... And the funny thing is, the girls that i have chase always have a bunch of other guys chasing her... so its like some kind of contest.  I like contest, but not with human relationship... Love is not a game and girls loves this kind of shit and i hate the fact that girls think they are so beautiful and pretty cos a bunch of guys chase after them... and in the end a bunch of losers gets hurt. And the sad part is... the guy that gets the girl will be all protective and being mean to all the other guys.  kind of cavemenish. 

to me chasing girl is ... like chasing that stupid rat or that fly or that cockaroach that just ends up escaping from me. Or like chasing a stray cat, whom i just wanted to  give some food to and it just runs away from me thinking that i'm some bad dude and not trusting me and runs away with caution.

So after watching this very nice movie about growing up in high school to manhood about a bunch of guys chasing that one girl... i tear up in the end tearing and thinking man does love stink! And you know you always want to wish the person getting married the best wishes but deep down in your heart you probably think... "i hope you end up fat and ugly!" hahaha... which is almost always true.

Once people get married, they always either get fat and ugly or they end up getting divorce and have some kind of sad and tragic adultry. I'm not speaking in bitterness, but in truth... since i have witness so many many many married couple friends that end up in someone else's bed. SAD but TRUE! So my days in Taiwan is just pure singlness... is not that i have not bump into anyone that is attractive to me, but that i feel that LOVE by today's standard is not about LOVE only anylonger.

People (married men and divorce women) has been telling me that women will love for "STABILITY" i don't know if that is the whole truth or not, but it is probably 50% truth. And i know girls look for that, what kind of job does this person does and how much MONEY he makes and vacations, fine restaurants blah blah blah blah blah.... So love is not really about the heart a lot time.  That is why we see alot of ugly guys dating very attractive women....  It is mostly about what you can get with in that "love" "stabilty" realtionship, which i understand.

So if any girl falls for me or if i date any girls here in Taiwan ... i'll just be straight with them... "your cute, but i'm as poor as the stray dog on the street... can you dig it?" But i work hard and have passion for things that i'm passionate about and i don't flirt around and i'm geniue and will do my best to grow old with you like the wrinkle old tree and LOVE is LOVE. CAn you dig it???" That's what i would say to a girl.  And if that girl accept me for who i am... than i hope that love will grow deeper and deeper until we get married and died together forever (like the famous Rick Ashley song!) Wonder how "Rick Roll" came about???

Anyways, its been raining for days now in TaiChung, and i just love it! I love rainy days, is romantic in a lonely way.... Love.

My life in Taiwan so far 4272012

Dear diary, I have left the States and moved back to my homeland Taiwan, so its been about 4 months now. I was not born in Taiwan, but i have very good and fond memories of it. Since i got back here, lots of things happen. First of all, family members think i'm crazy or have some kind of mental disorder or mental breakdown of some sort... so i was ask to go see a doctor, a psychiatrist in TaiChung. I was so down and depress about the whole thing, i wasn't piss as much as i would be, but i was really sad that my family members didn't trust me. I mean ya... i was overboard for getting mad and angry and cetain things and was emotional through out the whole trip since i knew that i'm not gonna see them for a while since they are going back to the States, i mean i will miss them especailly my sister's kids. So yeah i was crying more than usual, but that doesn't mean that i'm crazy or needs to see a mental doc for help. Well, i'm so glad that, that is over... since i had to show them or prove to them that i don't have any problem. People just don't understand my feelings... over the course of the years since i understand about life through Christ, things have change. I have not love this World as in 1John would states... "Do Not Love this World' I understand that. And that in proverbs states that Wisdom will only make you sad and more sad, becos one comes to understand the world and by looking at the State of this world, the problems of the world, the way we humans treat each other.... yeah... is easy to become sad about it all, becos basically we are just selfish people. Selfish in the way that we can hurt each other just to something we want. WANT. So this is the truth about life that probably alot of us don't want to admit to it. or probably getting piss with this blog by saying "what is his problem and what is he talking about???!!!" Well if this makes any sense to anyone at all, this is my diary, my record of my life here on Earth or my stay in Taiwan. Oh yeah, back to Taiwan. I have met alot of interesting people, i'm still trying to figure out about myself living within this culture. even though i speak the language, but i'm still consider a foreigner. I want to change that becos i want to be part of this country... not necessary about fitting right in or not, but more about being part of this place. Well being back in Taiwan, i really didn't want to go to Church and i even pray to God about my feelings, my feelings about how much i hate being part of some segregated separated organization that is somewhat hateful toward each other for being that kind of denomination. So i really don't want to be part of anything that somewhat hates and pretend to be loving. Every church thinks they are going to Heaven and every church thinks that the other denomination is going to hell. Funny... So since i pray and pray for about a month about not going to church, God sends this man who was suppose to help me with getting my artwork patent and then we started talking about God and Jesus and Mr. Kim ends up telling me that he is a Christian and that he would like to take me to his small group and eventually he brought me to his church. I mean seriously... Taiwan has only 3 percent of the population that are Christians... and i'm here trying to escape church, since nobody knows that i'm a Christian, so i can easily just blend in and then in the mist of my hiding, i bump into a Christian. Now i have been attending the church that Mr. Kim goes to and also to another church near by. Being back here in Taiwan, i still need to work and make some money to survive here on Earth. Even though i'm lucky to have free rent by living in my parents retire place. Basiclly i'm here alone, so the rent part is taken care of, but the food part is not, so i try to look for a job working in a Beef Noodle shop and i fired myself in 3 days realizing that this is not for me at all. I mean, i do have a plan, a dream more like. Well the plan, the dream is to open a small shop to teach kids how to make art toys/figures and to teach it in English. And since i fired myself in the Beef Noodle shop, the owner ask me then what will i do in Taiwan for work??? I smartly replied..."i'm gonna teach English!" And the boss looks at me with a bright eye and asks me if i would like to teach his two kids conversational English... hahaha and so now i have two students. Well, actually 4 now, 2 adults that ask me to teach them by default. i guess my ugly ass problem is that i really have no guts or talent to sell my talent or my skills and then i end up having nothing. But then i'm humble in many ways without really much spending money, but money for food (more like vegetable and egg) and once in a while some snacks that is it. I don't drive, so no gas money worry, i don't even take public transportation, since i can ride my bicycle anywhere i want. Anywhere is just around here and there. Not really anywhere far..... AS for ARt and toys and everything. I guess being back here in Taiwan beats my lazy lifestyle in the States. i have realzie that i have wasted a lot of time. Time does flys by fast, but life must go one and so i just move forward and now i am free from my demons!