race and understanding this bs

dear diary,

its fuck up... fuck up that when i'm honest with my feelings people get all offended when its the honest truth.  what's the point of being a fake ass... if your going to live your life and act like some fake ass just so you can have people like you and be nice to to you when your not being real is not real friendships.  i don't know, think about it... if you die tomorrow and because you didn't speak up about something... and your up there in heaven.... God tells you see, look at that... you should of said something, you could of got out of that ridicules situation, but because you want them to like you, now they're in deep shit!

lately there's a lot talk about racism.  racism is really misunderstanding, lack of understanding, lazy judgement or whatever the fuck shit you want to think and judge about a person.  it's not just racism, is more than that, is about class, wealth, you know the whole human fucking issues about being better than one another... feeling superior for having wealth and looking up and down on each other.  i always think, even if we have one pure race on planet earth, there would still be some kind of racism... like if the whole world was white, they probably separate each other by again, the tone of the skin color, or something stupid like the color of our hair, or by heights, or by fat and skinny people, etc.  HUMans for some reasons just don't want to have peace and just want to hate and cause some bullshit like racism...

like i have said many fucking times... racism is just such an old stone age thinking... is like backward thinkers that have no creativity thinks like this.  i'm so glad that we have so many different varieties of race on this planted earth. its so colorful. its so wonderful full of different experiences just by knowing some different culture.  when i was living in singapore, some of my best friends were Indians, i mean they are singaporeans, but they are of india decents.  one was a hindu and the was a muslim and they were my close friends  and teacher.  i really love and miss them.  they really really help me so much and we never think about the color of our skins, nor do we even give a fuck about. i mean, i'm this chinese kid in my mid-twenties and they were both in their mid to late fifties or older.  so they're my teachers, cause i learn so much about like and their religion and culture from them and that was it.  sigh... i really do miss these two old fucks! oh yeah, racism is really i don't know its like why? what the fuck?  i guess people fear, people fear because they don't care or  they fear because they don't know... not knowing what other people are like... just imagine if the would world was blind... will there still be racism? 

what's there to hate?  whats there to dislike about?  but the root of the problem with racism is the fact that people are narrow minded and sometimes its got to do with growing up with narrow minded parents with lack of knowledge on certain things in life, like race and culture.  that's why. maybe if there was a school program for kids at the age of 10 to travel into different part of the world and live and learn about people and race, definetely or hopfully no one will be growing up racist after that.  gee fucking wizz.. is like you don't find all those foodies that travel around the world being a fucking racist?  they fucking enjoy the culture and the food and probably there was more other countries.  humans are humans, we just eat, drink, shit, sleep, bath, brush our teeth, get married, have sex, yawn, get sick, get hungry, watch t.v. ride bike... etc. is the same.  the problem with our society is that there is just too much people that are SCARE of each other people's culture becos is out of our comfort zone.

anyways, for the past weeks, i have been teaching this art class to first grade and sixth grade.  it was all good until this crazy teacher shows up to assist me.  She was a really mean ass fucking bitch!  seriously, i don't even know why she is even qualify to teach, cos she really seems to dislike kids.  she was putting them down, degrading them, being very fucking impatient with them and i was fucking impatient with her even writing this pisses me off just thinking about her fucking ways.  oh yeah, shes very unattrative.. maybe that's her excuse.  but fuck man... i don't even care about looks, its the heart that count, i mean there's alot of bitchy girls out their that are pretty or beautiful that are fucking mean assholes... but this teacher was unattrative, carries a long ass face like shit is coming out of her and yelling and sighing and complaining how come this kid doesn't know how to use the siccors.... is like this kid was only a first grader... but it doesn't matter what the fuck grade he's in... he's a slow learner and we should just teach with love, kindness, and lots and lots of patients. But this teacher was such a fucking asshole that i almost just want to walk out of the class. she sat with this boy and just kept on verbally abusing him like he is dumb or something. i didn't had the mood to teach... i just kept on walking around pretending to help the other kids, but my heart was... if she was a he, i would of told her to step and just let her have it with my verbal abuse... in a kind way of course.. geezz... i am so down about living in Taiwan sometimes... just 2 and a half month.. i can barely this bullshit because people really don't want to admit the truth.  the government is screw up... just type "taiwan traffic accident" on youtube and you'll know what the hell is going on.  or type "taiwanese government fighting" you'll be dropping your jaws knowing how ganster and childish they behave.  i mean they have no fucking idea how to run this country and treat their citizen the right way...

okay i don't want to go to jail, but fuck... that teacher is really really a freaking ass to kids!  she even told this one girl that her art work only looks nice far away.  I mean.. what the fuck???!!!  And she even kept of telling some other kids that their parents would be piss and mad at them with their shitty art!  I don't know... if i didn't believe and follow Jesus's way, i would of just fucking karate the shit out of her if she was a guy... sigh...so spiting it out always helps my angry ass.   

Society... So richhhh, so poorrr, so unequal, so sadly to say.

dear diary,

i feel really fucking sad today... not that anything bad has happen to be, but i just feel sad at how this society works... its always been there and here, the upper, the middle, and the lower classes in this fucking world.  the way we fucking fuck each other with such grace.  is the reason why this planet earth, this world is in such a whatever the fuck way.

today, i had a job interview with one of the top private schools here in Taiwan.  i was well prepare for the interview, in fact i had a week to plan out the lesson to teach... reading and writing to second graders.  i wasn't nervous at all, in fact  i was very excited to have the opportunity to teach a demo class to these high society, privilege, well mannered rich kids from the upper upper upper mother fucking classes so proud and so brilliant that if we don't have them in this world, we are totally fucked as a whole in this God given society.

i have nothing against the rich folks nor any folks in this God given world.  but fuck man, just stepping into the front door, i felt the coldness from the people walking in and out from this huge building, even though it is such a sweaty humid hot sunny morning.

i arrived there at 7:30 am, just to be there early... since i didn't want to be late.  i noticed that the school is very clean... almost brand new as it was built yesterday.  unlike the some of the older public schools ... it was build maybe 40 years ago with crack walls , broken florescent lights, tiny old wooden desk that i remember from the 70's.... etc.

as i was being escorted inside by the dean of the school... i noticed that almost no one ever smile or even say good morning to each other as we pass by some of the teachers coming in for work, everyone just pull a long face like something awful happen to them.  i didn't want to judge, so i was waiting to see what would happen through out the 3 hour interview.  oh yeah, it was three hours, becos i was told to wait in this lobby where teachers clock for work... i waited like for like an hour and a half before the demo class.

like i said the school is very nice, almost brand new, and it was located in a secluded countryside area.  besides the weather, it seem like a very nice place to teach with a big backyard full of farmlands and you can hear lots of summer beetles cheep cheep cheeping nonstop.  still i didn't feel welcome at all, since every staff member that walks in to punch in their time-card look so stern with an unhappy face with no smile, not even a simple good morning, instead mostly just nod their head as i smile and greeted them with an enthusiastic good morning.  even the kids rushing to class didn't smile at all, i said good morning to them and they just ignored me like i was invisible.  i suddenly thought to myself, should i even bust out my blues band -  hohner harmonica in the key of C?

anyways, as i waited.. more staff walked in with cold stern looks, i let out a sigh, thinking to myself, do i even want to be part of this communist regime??? that how it felt like, of course i'm being sarcastic, but it does felt like kin jong un is part of this cover up.  making the school look wonderful, brand new and untouch, but everyone is expect to be like a stern robot.

this school has a high reputation for high pays to teachers and staffs and everyone going there comes from very rich families that's why they can afford being in this regime.  so i don't know what the fuck to think of it.  i don't know, maybe that's part of being rich... no smiles and raise your head high like north korea.

as   i was waiting in the lounge area, they had some food delivery... and fuck, they really want their children to start early with diabetes. the delivery man brought in almost 50 bottles of all the sodas you can think of... orange crush, coke, 7-up, rootbeer, you name it.  i was shock, they even had cans of nutella and more other delicious sugary stuff to feed the young. since it is an American school, i guess they think this is the way American way do it... get them use to the American life style with lots of junk.. but the fact is... America children don't do that kind of drug any more... i guess they haven't read the news lately or for the last 5 years!!!???

So this teacher assistant walks in to the lounge to assist me about whats going to happen after i waited for almost 1 and a half hours.   i said hello and put my hand out as a friendly gesture to "shake hand" like any normal person would do, but she just put out her hand with no grip, no feelings, no nothing and i shook it like it was dead... soft and weak, absolutely no grips at all!  and not only that, there was no smile at all. i should of sang a song to her right there and then to see her reaction, that was how hard it was to get a smile out of this person.

then 20 mins. later, another staff member show me around the school.... finally someone real... she smile and shook my hand and showed me around.  She was honest too, she told me that this school is really rich and full of privilege kids... parents from all over Taiwan would send their kids here just to get proper education... so even though this is an elementary school (more like a military school)... they have a dorm for these children from age 7 to 12.... they all live there for like half a year or so.

after the walk through...  i was overwhelm by their all their faculties... i met more staffs, i was told that the English department is mostly from Canada.. but still, they all look like they really enjoy nothing, no smile,  a simple hey and that it...no nothing... it was definitively unwelcoming!  even before the interview/demo class, i confirm to myself... fuck this shit... i want to enjoy teaching and enjoy goofing around with these kids and let them learn in most fun and relaxing way as possible.... so i wasn't gonna let them turn me into a robot and be part of kim jong un's regime.

well, after all that meet and greet fakeness, i was move on to the classroom to do a demo class for 5 special brilliant kids.  i told myself, i should just do my best and see how good or sucky i am... and i think i did pretty okay, i know rushed, since i have only 30 mins.  i thought i had to teach reading and writing all together, but i rushed with the story telling, i made them jump like a grasshopper, since that was what the book is about and the kids enjoy that.  oh yeah, when i met the kids, they didn't really smile at all.  two kids was running around, so that seems normal, but they were stop by one of the teachers, even though it was their break time. i try my best making goofy noises while reading the story to them, they seem to enjoy it, but was kind of bore, but that's my fault, since i was a bit nervous with 4 teachers grading me and a video camera was recording me.  after the story, i just told them to write and draw of the topic and i actually did break out the harmonica and play a few notes... and before i left, i just encourage them to get a mini note book to draw, write, and jot down ideas etc.  and then the dean escorted me out and had a chat with me.  She actually liked my style, but said their school is "different' from all other schools and public schools... becos they are special. She told me, can i come back and try it again next time with another demo teaching but just slow down the whole process... i didn't think twice... i never answer her, but ask her a few questions about their school and that was it.  i think i rather get lower pay and teach the so called "under privilege" kids from the public schools.. because they are too privilege, they don't need a gangster punk like me, i'll just ruined it for all of them by having too much fun.

just like some churches... all rules and with no heart.

all for love and love for all!

peacemotherbitches